“and with one swift cut of the tongue; it was all gone”...

That was three years ago.

Today, things are a bit different. Most of all me…

Four weeks ago, I said “yes”to a speaking engagement.  As I hung up the phone, I was stunned. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in that arena. To be honest, I’m nervous, unsettled, and afraid…

Why?

Because I’m not the same. I’ve changed in three years…ALOT.

I’ve been shielded and protected and surrounded by color and light, and most of all Him. But the strange thing is that I didn’t realize it. Ridiculous, right? I almost felt abandoned. Almost like, well, He didn’t like me anymore… and I lived as such.

Day in and day out, I lived as though the One who had stolen my heart, took the ring and walked away. I believed it wholeheartedly; in my mind. My heart wavered, it teetered on the edge of faith, but was too fearful to stand firm- to still believe in Love; to believe that Love still loved me…

Have you ever been there? Teetering on the edge?

Suddenly, all of my weakness was bared. But it was not by Him. He had not bared my weakness, religion had. Religion had stepped in and with one swift cut of the tongue, my covering fell to the floor in shreds.

All of my gifts, talents, confidence, security, faith, and love fell at my feet and bared this soul. I tried to put it all back together. I picked up the shreds and began to wrap my heart in them once again. This time, none of them fit. I couldn’t find where my faith was to go, where my love was to be placed…I tried taking the shred of confidence and wrap it around my head, but the ends failed to connect. I worked at putting my security back in place, but the ends were too frayed to make a good stitch. I finally tired of such labor and toil, and made the decision to let the rest lay upon the weathered floor…and it was okay.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and months into years. Three to be exact. Three years later I lifted my head to see clearly.  I stretched out my hands to see them empty. I looked at my feet and saw them bare. I inspected my skin and it was clear and intact. I looked beneath my feet and the weathered floor had turned gold. The walls around me were of majestic color and the air was light and perfumed with incense.

I realized all was as it should be. I was not abandoned, I was being protected, shielded, and loved back to life. As the world turned on it’s axis, my world was set in place. I found a renewed life. I am settled and secure, and full of faith and love. I have picked up the shreds of gifts and talents from the golden floor and simply hold them in my open hands- for really, they are not mine, but His. That in itself gives me great security and joy.

 

Saturday, I go to the prayer breakfast dressed as a pauper. For that it what I am. I say that with great confidence, and with great joy; for there is no greater gift to receive than that of the truth of being poor, pitiful, blind, and naked…in that confidence, I will make great strides…

Will you pray for me on Saturday morning…I sure would love it if you would!

XO

tracy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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